Wandering mind....Back to those days

____Its a long post, just wrote with the flow..No edits___

At that time…

It was Evening; Back from school. The options were to “3” - Play-Homework- sleep! This was all known back in 90s, dare not comparing wit this GEN school student!

Confused mind, fresh crushes stirring the psyche, watching the 20 something women walk in those umbrellas’, erudition new things naively, exploring hobbies and combine studies with then only best fren….The new lady bird cycle bought cheerfulness, which even a SUV might not get it today, loafed around every road known unless mom shouted for homework or dinner…

Lagori was the most sought out game, but the reason behind participating was this Marwari guy, much younger and so cute. It was talks on beauty (silly!), clothes and the fights with girls… Being a part of BAND-SET in school was only inspirational, not considering studies. Thought THIN, managed as head-band set girl on all occasions and learnt Flute; imagining to be an actress and troubled mom, for not plaiting that hair properly with red ribbon before going to school. It was all about “DEMAND”…and “DEMAND”….Loved the teacher who had her mode of coaching and mocking the same back home, which was the spring of studies and passing the exams....Numbers never interesting, but loved the languages and History, making some mark to get noticed…

Sitting next to a boy in school was incongruous and mind never accepted, struggling to even share an eraser…while the contrary yrs from then, trying to sit in the front row to see the same boy dance in the final yr school. Thoughts another crush; action of all kinds to get noticed unless there was a true proposal for Love on the last day. This was the most unholy moment, scared, tears rolling and running away scared to be in sight…This was Love then; owing never to think so “BAD”…(Laughing!)

Comics were every craze and made growing yrs so much meaningful, with those imaginations; forming a chuck of education…Reading the magazines secretly with her was so much fun…all kinds of questions in mind and a distressed for answers…Assuming and concluding it was the best fun in that age…

Sister existed for fighting and sharing those clothes and books. It was always transitory text books, games and clothes.. Comparing marks card and knowing each other frens were a part. The one big birthday bash was the only celebration for years to remember. It was for sis and shopping for it in City Style was the biggest thing that had ever happened…friends from same lane coming over and cutting the cake and that one picture of standing next to her. Simple snacks and go back to the road for our usual “CROCODILE” play. This was all the memories of a big bash then….sounds cool! Character was Extremes. Could cry for all silly things and very easily, contrary could get so excited as if world was mine.

Never had dreams of being independent, making wealth, no future plans on education, No mind of own nor judgment; just nothing to look ahead. It was a life, which was lead as it was told and for the day. It was all about subsequent….NEXT…

Turning back, not much memories of the person she was is a great Regret. Growing yrs was always a debate on one thing, is it DIPLOMACY or STRAIGHT FORWARD? Wish could take time back and see myself and analyze. Where could I have possibly acted better, corrected it or pat my back for being it that way….

My then best friend in school also studied pre-university with me in same college. We were 17 yrs, carrying the same deportment, same fun, same cycle, same assumption…It was English class with my fav teacher, making my imaginary cells grow more and brining some light to what I want to do, pleasure listening to those stories from text books…She sits next to me, adding more drama to the knowledge and those soft chuckles…That day, her uncle suddenly emerges and talks to the teacher. The first thought that scares my sensitive mind is some sad news in the family…She is taken away and do not see her in college again…Sunday, walked up to her house to meet her. she is all in tears, in sarees, in bangles, her hair full of flowers….some 20 plus family members around her…talking what not…They have themselves decided to get her married, now that she is a WOMAN!

At that age, No words to explain the fear it had implanted in me to go away with a man, whom you have never known and what not? Does she know what a marriage is? She went through all the troubles of dressing up, getting married; definitely her mind nowhere or elsewhere…what was it? Never spoke about her marriage at home, with the fear of the sight and talk that had captured me…with the fear, if I will be given away to someone, without me knowing what was going through…It was illegal, it was killing someone mentally and physically, but not death…

It was so confusing and weakening to this mind here, troubled till the date I was a confident woman again!!! Till I completed the process of education, Till I fell In love, Till I met people, Till I knew what was I doing and where was I…Such a breather; I lived Life only after that..

I know last week, she Lives in a small town in Andhra Pradesh and has a “boy” baby (Thank god for her and Family) who goes to school….